Adam loved the Lego series.
He hated its redundancy.
Denny loved MotorStorm.
He hated the AI.
This week, on an all-new Love to Hate, divisions will form as the housemates set fire to each other. And when one competitor takes things too far, you won't believe what happens next. Your expectations will be shattered, in a live event that has never ever happened before in any form of entertainment produced by humans on Earth in this universe. Get ready for the game to be changed. Forever. And beyond. All of this, and more, in tonight's installment of Love to Hate.
And now, the continuation of Hell's Kitchen...
The Sherlock Holmes Series
This is a series that you may not have heard of. Perhaps you read our recent review of Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper. Perhaps you've seen the games at the far end of EB Games' PC shelves, where they keep kids games like Teletubbies Teach Vegetables or ancient adventure games from the forgotten past, like Full Throttle (which makes us feel really old). We wouldn't call it the most popular series of games. Yet, it is a series which has delivered some quality mystery adventure gameplay over the years. From humble and stodgy beginnings in The Mystery of the Mummy and The Secret of the Silver Earring, to the more recent and more enjoyable literary mashups of The Awakened, Sherlock Holmes vs. Arsene Lupin and the just-released Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper. They offer slow-paced, but fascinating mysteries and classic adventure gameplay. But hang on a second there, did we say slow-paced?
Oh, that's right. We forgot to mention. Holmes can't shut his planet-sized gob. His mouth becomes a black hole, sucking everything into it so that no matter, sound, light or interest can escape. When he starts to speak, sit down and get some popcorn, because it's likely the next ice age will arrive before he finishes. You could say the man loves to talk. There are several conversations in all of the games, which will follow this general pattern.
Holmes: "Watson, I deduce from the room we are standing in that the man we are looking for is [insert height], [insert job], [insert physical features], [insert social standing], [insert disposition] and [insert personal quirk]. It is also of note that he is [insert other impossibly clever deduction]."
Watson: "Holmes, that's pretty damn clever. How did you figure it out?"
At this point, Holmes will let us in on his inner workings. Usually this was one of the high-points of the original stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, as watching Holmes logically (if improbably) deduce the finest details from the vaguest clues should be astonishing. Instead, often in these games he'll prattle on for minutes on end. It may be only two minutes, or it may be ten, but generally he takes four times longer to explain himself to Watson than just to state his deductions (we've done the calculations). And stupid, stupid Watson never learns to stop asking. And the camera. The camera does nothing to help the situation. It'll stay locked on Holmes, sometimes taking a break to show what he is talking about, but even then Holmes continues on in the background, droning on and on, in the same single tone of voice.
Are there any other games that do this? Think of another game series famed for its long cut-scenes, Metal Gear Solid. At least in that series, the camera's usually doing something interesting or showing us some military documents or maps while the characters drone on. This is forgetting Metal Gear Solid 2's codec conversations. Also, take a look at the trailer for the Sherlock Holmes movie we've embedded below. I mean sure, it's not your mother's Sherlock Holmes. Or even her father's. Or grandfather's. Maybe just mother's father. We're not too sure about these generations. But getting past that, it's still Sherlock Holmes, but it's a bit faster. People don't talk for ages. Sure, it's a trailer and it's been edited heavily, and there are one too many explosions, but this is a good direction to take. And let's face it, Iron Man's voice is a lot easier on the ears than Holmes' voice in the games.
His voice. Now, we realise that they're period games, set in old London, where British people were real British people with stiff upper lips and stodgy accents. But Holmes can be ridiculously nasal. He sounds like he was just served a heaping tray of tea and crumpets, then proceeded to shove them up his nose, along with a grammophone playing God Save the Queen for good measure. Holmes might as well be playing a kazoo instead of talking, and it would have the same effect on our brains. This same voice also undercuts one of Sherlock Holmes' greatest strengths. In the original stories, he was described as a master of disguise, able to act better than Ben Affleck to earn the trust of individuals. In the latest game, Jack the Ripper, Holmes has to dress as a beggar, but he still keeps the same accent and speech style. This is strange in more ways than one, as in the previous game, Arsene Lupin, Holmes at least attempted a Cockney accent, even if it was a hideously stereotyped and barely comprehensible ome. If all beggars were as polite as Holmes' version, they'd probably be making a heck of a lot more than they do now.
So, for all our whining and complaining, we'd still recommend checking out the Sherlock Holmes series. Feel free to dismiss our comments regarding the latest title Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper, as it is a much faster paced game than the previous ones, which we'd probably only recommend to the more patient amongst you. Despite their long-winded dialogue and tiresome voice-overs, some of the games have presented some interesting 'what if?' stories, thrusting Holmes into the world of H.P. Lovecraft in The Awakened and against the fictional French thief Arsene Lupin in Sherlock Holmes vs. Arsene Lupin.
Until next time, remember that hate makes you powerful! Unlimited power!
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