Initial critical reaction to the Mona Lisa has been overwhelmingly positive, currently hovering around 96% on the aggregate review sites. However, the launch hasn't been without its problems. Most notably, forums and chat rooms have been blazing with accusations that the Mona Lisa incorporates a fudged widescreen mode. Forum identity and enthusiastic opinion-holder SeXyBeest says that, "You just have to look at it. The FOV is really limited, you can't tell what's going on. There could be some guy with a chaingun just out of shot. It sucks. I mean, what you can see is really good, but do they think we're so stupid we wouldn't notice?"
Da Vinci was quick to respond. "It was designed from the ground up with that aspect ratio. We tried loads of different options and this just seemed the best one. We think it works. Nobody, not matter how close or far back they stand, is missing out on anything." Da Vinci did, however, suggest that he may be working on a hotfix that will be out soon. "Look, if this is what people really want, I'm not going to stop them. They've paid their money so, you know... it's not what I designed but I can probably chuck a few naked chicks on either side. That usually goes over well."
A fan-made workaround was freely available soon after release but it seems, at best, to be a temporary measure. It basically involves turning the picture sideways. "I've tried it," says SeXYBeest, "and it works but it doesn't look quite right. I got a stiff neck after ten minutes. I'm thinking of filing a law suit."
The widescreen hotfix - many people still not happy.
Beyond the widescreen issues, the ML has also been plagued with problems involving copy protection, stability and concerns about its graphic violence and sexual nature. Da Vinci had little to say regarding the copy protection. "It's out of my hands. All that stuff is handled by the guys at Opus Dei."
Opus Dei, the slightly intimidating distributors of the Mona Lisa, have since acknowledged that the inital copy protection scheme was a bit over-zealous. "We're just protecting our investment but we can now see how sealing the Mona Lisa into an impenetrable lead casket might have interfered with people's enjoyment of the product. Also, our policy of letting people look at the painting twice, and twice only, before stabbing out their eyes could be seen as overstepping the line. We are happy to announce that people can now look at the picture five times before being struck blind by our enthusiastic and helpful support staff."
Nevertheless, crudely drawn copies of the title were easily found only a matter of hours after general release. Made by repellently unhygienic members of the peasantry, most contained traces of the black death, bubonic plague and a number of other highly contagious humeric maladies.
Rumours have also surfaced that the Mona Lisa can install a so-called "rootkit" on anyone who looks at it, and this can be used at a later date for mind control and general brainwashing. In response, the Opus Dei PR department stated that it is "...a harmless part of the copy protection. No personal information is gathered, though it is possible that in a few rare cases, it may be incompatible with human brain function and cause systemic organ failure. We suggest you read the EULA for more details." Further questions were met with icy glares and a sustained thrashing with a barbed whip.
Da Vinci is quick to tackle questions regarding the stability of the Mona Lisa. "Look, we're really pushing the envelope with this one: it's big, it's heavy, there's a lot of paint on it. The system specs clearly state that you'll need at least a wooden wall and two nails to get it hung, and for the full experience we highly recommend brickwork, several permanent staff and a climate controlled environment. Mud and hay walls just don't cut it anymore, folks. This is a next-gen product that demands next-gen hardware."
This hasn't stopped a number of people trying to get the full Mona Lisa experience on tent walls, shonky backyard lean-tos or even just hanging it around their necks on pieces of rope. "Yep, tried that," says SeXyBeest. "It worked for a little while - you could see it alright - but it wasn't much fun and I got a stiff neck after ten minutes. That's going in the law suit as well."
Lead designer L. Da Vinci (age 26) during launch week.
The mainstream press have waded into the fray, accusing the Mona Lisa of containing inappropriately violent and sexual content. Noted anti-art campaigner Giovanni Thompsonelli claims that "it's blatant pornography. If you close your eyes and think about it long enough, you can see her naked. Naked! Do we want our children exposed to this kind of thing? Not to mention, representing a woman in this way - sitting down, relaxed - is deeply offensive. Why isn't she in the kitchen, or doing the housework? At the very least, she should be giving birth! Honestly, what kind of message does this send to young and impressionable viewers?"
The moral ambuguity involved in the title is, according to Da Vinci, very deliberate. "Is she happy or sad? Smiling or smirking? Is that a gun under her dress? It's up to you, we're not going to tell you how to react. This is, y'know, art. What you see in it says more about you than me. Or something. Anyway, sooner or later we're going to have to get over the idea that pictures are just for kids. I certainly wouldn't let children see the picture without adult supervision. Mostly because they'll put their horrible, sticky little fingers all over it but also it's been carefully designed so that the eyes follow you around the room. If you've only ever seen pastoral landscapes before, that can freak you out."
Despite all the controversy surrounding the launch of Mona Lisa, there's no doubt that it's a hit and will be talked about for a long time to come. "It's different, isn't it?" says DamnBrown, operator of fan-site MonaLisaPlanet. "We've been staring at trees and sheep and freaking cherubim for years now, and this is something new. Okay, on one level it is just another portrait and, to be honest, there's room for improvement - we should have the lingerie mod up tomorrow - but it's kept me up into the wee hours all this week. The attention to detail is amazing and there's always something new to discover - I only realised yesterday that she's wearing some kind of veil! I mean, gosh, what's that all about?"
The Mona Lisa is already popping up on a number of Picture of the Year lists. "It's a shoo-in," says journalist Crispin De La Fontaigne-Smythe II. "Nobody's working on this level. Michaelangelo, Botticelli, Rembrandt? Talentless hacks. Sure, Rembrandt hasn't been born yet, but he probably shouldn't bother."
The Mona Lisa is available now for AU$50, but will inevitably get cheaper over time.
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